Why I Just Deleted More Than 200 ‘Friends’ From Facebook

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http://www.newbeginnersguide.com David J Carne

Hi

I suppose the obvious question is why not have 2 accounts on Facebook?

Regards

David

http://jessenewhart.com Jesse Newhart

Having more than one account on Facebook violates their Terms Of Service. You can have as many fb pages as you want though they are a little different.

Annelie Näs

I have never added people I don’t know on facebook, but I find it interesting that people do. Perhaps it is because, as you, people just find it interesting to grow their social media network- To me facebook have always been the personal one, while for example at Twitter I just want to hear what everyone i saying. Good post though!

nora

that’s how i feel too. facebook for me is more personal. if i don’t know you in real life (or have a long relationship with you online already) i most likely won’t add you.

twitter for me is more about the content.

http://jessenewhart.com Jesse Newhart

Exactly. Twitter is about exchanging content and Facebook is for finding out what my friend Jeremiah did when he visited New York City : )

http://www.madbradproductions.com/ MadBrad

Peace,

Thank you for sharing this.

Quality unique content.

Keep it up man!!

Peace,

Brad
http://eldietario.com Miguel de Luis

I think that you are casting an interesting thought on social networks. Now I don’t use facebook much, but I guess we all need some intimate space online as we have off line.
Shelley

Nice to see someone talk about this concept. Enjoyed your thoughts.
http://kicktime.org borges on KT

Strange thing is that around here lots of people are on FB, but won’t participate on blogs, etc. So to reach them and get the word out I need to do the FB thing to get the blog info out…so they at least know it is there. As a result I limit my personal use of FB and try to get local area people to interact with a community blog. Sort of backwards when you think about it.

http://jessenewhart.com Jesse Newhart

You’re right there is a huge potential audience on Facebook but I feel for me personally it is better to engage them through groups or Facebook pages.

Betsy

Hi Jesse,
Thanks for this.
I am relatively new to social media. I have decided to limit my FB account as well, right from the get go. I cannot keep track of everyone as it is, and to add people I do not know personally seems overwhelming.

Awhile back I read THE TIPPING POINT by Malcolm Gladwell. He had a small bit in there about group size and how we are socially constructed to be in small “tribes”. Here’s a summary I found from another website (http://radio.weblogs.com/0107127/stories/2003/01/01/tippingPointNetVersion.html)

“The figure of 150 seems to represent the maximum number of individuals with whom we can have a genuinely social relationship, the kind of relationship that goes with knowing who they are and how they relate to us. Putting it another way, it’s the number of people you would not feel embarrassed about joining uninvited for a drink if you happened to bump into them in a bar.” ?Robin Dunbar,

1. Even relatively small increases in the size of a group [beyond 150] creates a significant additional social and intellectual burden.
2. The rule of 150 suggests that the size of a group is another one of those subtle contextual factors that can make a big difference.
3. Peer pressure is much more powerful than a concept of a boss
4. Transactive memory: we store information with other people. Since mental energy is limited, we concentrate on what we do best.
5. Groups of 150 are an organized mechanism that makes it far easier for new ideas and information moving around the organization to tip; to go from one person or one part of the group to the entire group all at once.

Of course, the last few points refer to a work setting. But I think socially we just cannot handle more information. It truly does become a burden.

Congrats on your new baby! I will continue to enjoy following your updates on Twitter (the rule of 150 seems to apply there as well. Even though I follow more than 150 there really are many less “active” posters).

http://jessenewhart.com Jesse Newhart

Lol I wouldn’t consider my friends well organized mechanisms : )

http://dabbleponder.blogspot.com/ Juliana Marie

A very appropriate move, esp. for the reasons you stated. I have about 20 facebook friends; two are “strangers” (what happens when an anti-social type plays with social media). But I follow the blogs of, & tweet with (for me) LOTS of strangers, including you Still trying to determine where is that intimacy/privacy divide.

Thanks for posting as a video, too. Looking forward to your tweets.
http://paddling-geek.net Kimm

I have to agree with Annelie’s comment. Facebook to me has always been for people I know offline.

You do have a good point, were they adding you because of who you are or because of your online status?
http://www.melissaking.ca/wordpress melissa

Thanks for this…I agree Facebook is better left for personal use…I deleted allot of people I did not know too…

Melissa
http://www.romanticizethefallen.com Justin Kendall

I think it’s a good idea to just keep Facebook for real friends, family, and people you went to school with. I personally don’t add anyone on Facebook that I didn’t go to school with or have not had a phone/im/email conversation with first. Twitter is more for networking and learning for me. It’s where I can find useful information, hopefully give some of my own, and meet people in the same field as me.

No one should be offended or upset if they get taken off as a friend. It’s life. Everyone does it and everyone has it happen to them, for various reasons. I had a friend that I had been friends with for 10 years on my Facebook. Around August or September of last year he just started going on and on and on about the election and the parties and was just an absolute annoyance to the point that I had to delete him from my friends. It’s not the ones that you delete and ask why that you have to worry about it’s the ones you delete and they keep trying to add you back thinking you accidentally deleted them. It’s hard to accidentally delete someone when Facebook asks you if you are sure you want to delete them.

In the end it’s your profile not other peoples and you should be able to have who you want on it as friends and not have to explain why you deleted someone.
Brent

Jesse,

Have you explored the use of the new “List” function? It should allow you to break out your ‘true’ friends from other groups and limit permissions on FB as you need it. However, I’m not sure if the recommended friends section is then affected. :/ That might be one area that FB needs to scrutinize.

http://jessenewhart.com Jesse Newhart

I saw the lists feature but I think I’m going to keep personal friends for my Facebook profile and ‘contacts’ on a yet to be built facebook page.

http://ekbdesigns.com Elizabeth K. Barone

Perhaps it would be better — and more organized — to start groups or pages on Facebook for those professional relationships. (Note: I didn’t watch the video because I have no sound at work, so I’m going by some of the comments above.) For example, I would start a Web Design & Development page for all of my networking in that field.
http://pixelmurder.net/wordpress Samantha

I totally agree with you about Facebook. It is definitely more personal than just about any other social networking service. Even when you start using all of the different privacy settings it is still strange to have hundreds of people potentially looking at you when you hardly know them.

Facebook is more personal. I only friend people I have actually met/spoke with before.Even if I “met” you at a party, I won’t friend you if I really can’t remember. If you want thousands of friends or followers then do that on Twitter or Myspace. Facebook shouldn’t be used so much for following/stalking but connecting with people in your life around the world.

No one should really be offended if they are deleted. It’s your profile and you should be able to do what you want with that. With such large networks, you can’t take it personally. I think the whole reason behind is to stay connected personal.

I totally agree with your reasons for deleting people. It’s not only you and your information that you are more or else protecting but all of your friends because you have just let someone new into your network.

We can’t have every web service be about friends and followers. We still need our own personal corners of the internet.
http://slavetobeads.blogspot.com/ tania

Thank you for sharing this with us. I am very new at this web stuff and wasn’t quite sure what to do with facebook. I am a stay at home mom and trying to sell my products. I was told that facebook was for business.This helps to understand it more. thanks
http://www.j-wag.com jen

I agree for the most part. Facbook is personal for me, and I usually only add friends and family who I know personally.

However, I play a game on Facebook that grants extra points for having friends participate, so I’ve added a lot of non-”real-life” friends recently. With the recent addition of friends lists, I have been able to lock them down to a friends list with access to only the info I feel comfortable sharing with the world.
http://branchoutcollective.com L05

I politely disagree with your view on this, but I respect it.
http://markarayner.com/blog/ Mark

Right on! You’ve articulated my feelings on the matter exactly. Perhaps I’ll just blog about that. m
http://www.onlinemusicresource.net Ben

I definitely understand your position, and I think that you nailed the Facebook idea.

To the same degree though, I have a personal Twitter account, and I’m fearful of adding the whole mass social media connections to it. What are your thoughts on having two Twitter accounts, one personal and one business?

http://jessenewhart.com Jesse Newhart

It’s ok to have multiple Twitter accounts, so you can have one for family and one for networking. If you have more than one account on Facebook you are violating their terms of service

http://duffrunner.blogspot.com Chris

Jesse-i think you make a good point and I’ve thought of employing your practice myself. On the other hand, I have reached out to some folks i’ve become aware of on twitter or from other sources to potentially build a relationship for future benefit and industry knowledge.

What I find odd is people treating facebook and sending me inviations to be “friends” without any kind of personal message attached to it that say” hi, i’m interested in “friending” you because I too, have an interest in x,y,z and feel you’d be a good connection.In some cases, I’ve accept, reached out to them to see if there’s a reason to communicate and gotten nothhing in return. Delete.

I kind of treat Plaxo like the myspace of networking. I don’t care if a monkey asks me to be a friend on that service, i just say yes. On facebook, I’m more selective but I could be even more.
http://www.lizettefitzpatrick.com Lizette

I agree with you. I have always been selective with who I have as friends on Facebook. I recently started a new page for my realty company where I can post new listings, open houses and media news.
http://thecrazylady.net The Crazy Lady

I have yet to plunge into Facebook (I’m getting used to one aspect of Social Media at a time), but I agree wholeheartedly about your decision to delete, especially if these individuals are not adding value to either your business network by sending people/traffic/business your way or adding value to your personal network by enriching your life in some manner.

Your family comes first, and quite frankly, if someone cannot take the time to get to know you and build that relationship, tough cookies!

BTW: Congrats on that new baby!!! Hope mommy and baby are well.
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http://www.thesharpagency.com/blog/ Jillian Anderson

I think it is kind of interesting how Twitter has evolved to be more of what the the users want it to be – networking. According to Twitter, it is (or was) “a service for friends, family, and co–workers to communicate and stay connected through the exchange of quick, frequent answers to one simple question: What are you doing?”

Good post, I agree.
http://twitter.com/syllana Syllana

I understand that many people feel Facebook is more personal than other sites, but what I don’t understand is why – and more importantly, why people give Facebook the trust required in providing a real name. This has opened the door to government and business pursuing individuals (for legal reasons) on Facebook, because of the legitimacy it has gained by people giving this website trust. Not long ago it was revealed that Facebook wanted to keep a user’s information even after the user deleted their account. These things make me uneasy.

It’s fun to socialize with friends and family on Facebook. If someone is just now going to get an account there, it is possible to get it under a nome de plume, and then reveal one’s identity to friends and family on the site. I think if the profile/sign-up name is not the user’s real name, it is a great privacy enhancement. The “red flag” is the sign-up/profile name, not the interactions with people you trust on the site.

http://jessenewhart.com Jesse Newhart

Setting up a false or secondary account on Facebook goes against their terms of service.

Chris

Hi Jesse, it’s interesting to stumble upon this blog post because I, too, just recently deleted almost all of my Facebook friends. This whole social networking thing is beginning to swallow my humanity. Being friends with hundreds of people I don’t even talk to is too impersonal for me. The lack of a human connection feels empty and sterile. Furthermore, to be bombarded with pictures and comments on my wall of acquaintances and their friends’ activities feels like I’m intruding on their privacy. So I applaud your decision and anyone else who chooses to limit their Facebook friends to people they know or speak with regularly.